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Dragon's Retorte

(Also known as - An Old Cliche Revisited, Retorted!)
Words by: Claire Stephens
Tune: The Irish Washerwoman

I've left in the performance commentary by the author; thought it might help when you perform the piece. - A. S.

Now, I am a dragon.
Please listen to me
For I'm misunderstood to a dreadful degree.
This ecology needs me and I know my place,
But I'm fighting extinction with all of my race.

Well, I came to this village to better my health
Which is shockingly poor, despite all my wealth.
But I get no assistance and no sympathy,
Just impertinent questioning shouted at me.

Yessss, virgins taste better than those who are not. [a hiss fits well here]
But my favorite snack food with peril is fraught.
For my teeth will decay and my trim go to pot.
Yet virgins taste better than those who are not. ["Yet", not "yes"]

Now, we Worms are deep thinkers; at science we shine, [This verse got omitted]
But our world's complicated with every new line.
We must quit all the things that we've done since the Flood
Like, lying on gold couches poisons our blood!

Well, I'm really quite good almost all through the year. ["good" as in sticking to diet, not "kind"--DRAGON viewpoint]
Vegetarian ways are now mine out of fear.
But a birthday needs sweets as I'm sure you'll agree.
And barbecued wench tastes like candy to me!

Yessss, virgins taste better than those who are not. [a hiss fits well here]
But my favorite snack food with peril is fraught.
For my teeth will decay and my trim go to pot.
Yet virgins taste better than those who are not. ["Yet", not "yes"]

As it happens our interests are almost the same.
For I'm really quite skillful at managing game. ["For.." not "You see.." -- scans better]
If I ate just your men, would your excess decline? [originally, "messed with your men" for alliteration, but posted version is clearer]
Of course not, the rest would just make better time

But the number of babies a woman can bear ["But" not "Now"; "bear" as in childbearing, not "bare" as in take clothes off]
Has a limit, and that's why my pruning's done there. ["Has a limit, and that's..." not "Has limits. That's..."--scans better]
Yet an orphan's a sad sight and so when I munch. ["munch" not "much"]
I'm careful to take out a virgin for lunch. [Originally, "take out a virgin" not "eat only virgins" because I liked the pun. But either scans.]

Yessss, virgins taste better than those who are not. [a hiss fits well here]
But my favorite snack food with peril is fraught.
For my teeth will decay and my trim go to pot.
Yet virgins taste better than those who are not. ["Yet", not "yes"]

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