Notes: The original author of this infamous song has come forward! Tom Payton wrote verses 1 through 4 around 1977 while involved in Revolutionary War re-enacting. He was also involved in SCA, Civil War reenactment, Wicca and had friends who played rugby, so the song inevitably spread, and many, many verses have been added over the years. Way many more actually exist than we have listed here. The folk process at work, for better or worse! Tom has specified that this song is in the public domain now. He notes, too, that the "When I'm in the mood..." verse was actually intended to be the first verse. Thanks Tom!
When I was a young lad I used to like girls,
I'd play with their corsets and fondle their curls.
'Till one day, my lady I caught with some churl,
Now you'd never get treated that way by a moose.
Moose, moose, I likes a moose,
I've never had anything quite like a moose.
I've had lots of lovers, my life has been loose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose.
Now when I'm in mood for a very good lay,
I go to my closet and get me some hay.
I go to my window and spread it around.
'Cause moose always come when there's hay on the ground.
Gorillas are all right on Saturday night,
Lions and tigers, they puts up a fight.
But it's just not the same when you slam your caboose,
As the feeling you get when you humps with a moose.
I've done it with beasties with long flowing hair,
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there.
I've done it with walrus, a monkey, and goose,
But it's just not the same when you screw with a moose.
Now that I am old and advanced in my years,
I look back on my life and shed me no tears.
As I sit in my chair with my glass of Matheus,
Playing Hide-The-Salami with Melba the Moose.